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all you ever meant to me is mascara in my eye and i can't see
2005-03-05 - 7:44 p.m.

well the talent show's over.

overall, it was a success. i suppose.

i went very early in the first act, which, due to circumstances beyond my control, pissed me off. my parents had to be at my brother's basketball game. he scored a basket. his first one. can't support all of their children at once. they missed my act.

i went out and first of all i couldn't find the volume knob on Lee's amp. but i got started, and despite very little practice singing in front of a microphone and not knowing if i was loud enough, i think i did ok. the first song was good. "this is a song by the Cure," i explained, "and the lead singer, Robert Smith," because i'm sure some people don't know, "says you can only play this one on a friday night." people were waving their cell phones. i felt like a rock star.

then the second song got off to a rough start. second chord in, i could tell something was wrong with my guitar... the E string was way flat. i grimaced. i cringed. but i tried to play through it. i stopped and told the audience my guitar was out of tune. (either someone bumped it, or,,, freak temperature incident i guess.) i cut out the whole second verse, not being able to stand the dissonance. after a shaky performance for song #2 (with many of the lyrics missing and a small 'what the hell' in the middle) i slammed the ending chord, and if i remember correctly, (this may have only happened in my head,) i got down on my knees to make the process official. i then asked the audience if they would mind if i tuned my guitar real quick.

i walked quickly toward the amp and tuner... and took a microphone stand down with me. my mouth made a little 'o' and i think my hand went over it. spazzing, i went to set it upright and then quickly tuned the flat E string.

then i played my last song... i hope it sounded ok. i really don't remember. i don't know if the words came out. i mean... i said them, but i don't know if people could understand them.

i was done and after a little more spazzing, i got off stage. my siser says people were standing up cheering. egad.

"aw thanks! you guys are real sweet."

so after a brief intermission i bassed it up for Lee and Missy after swearing to myself i would not be sucked in. whatever. it was fun, and hey, no one got killed. i was a little weird with where i should stop and where i should hold the notes, but to my credit, i had barely learned the song 24 hours ago. Lee is lucky i did not slap him when he asked me. the nerve. whatever. it's in the past, and i had fun.

after the second act i saw my family there. they saw me bassing it,,, and evidenly they barged in without paying. there's going to be a dvd. they want it. it's not the same though. whatever. i don't think i'll be able to watch myself on tape. eek.

we left after the second act...

and i guess too much psyching myself up resulted in a downer, because i've been bitchy and mopey all day.

well there are other reasons for that... but we don't need to get into that here.

people say i did a good job, and everyone gets the same reply "OH!" wide eyes. "thanks!" it takes me by surprise every time.

damn it fender makes a good guitar.

i wish i were a rockstar. like--- a real one. i guess field day's as close as i'm going to get any time soon.

before & after
When is Jessica seeing Green Day AGAIN?