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design | host "Mike, does this apron make my boobs look small?" "I'm not answering that. I don't want to go to jail." i was stupid to think that this was going to work. yesterday, in a particularly kinky form of karma kama sutra, the universe managed to fuck me over once again- and the navy is just hell bent on ruining my weekend. i found out from Travis yesterday he's going to have to work the larger part of this weekend so our lovely plans were rent and torn and cast off of a cliff. we could call this a hissy fit but i'm more depressed than pissed so the hissy lacks enthusiasm. our plans wouldn't have held together anyway. we were children building a house from sticks in the sand and before we knew it the tide was in. looking back i feel so stupid for getting my hopes up and for believing this could work. i must have looked pretty devastated because people kept asking me what was wrong at work. evidently "It's not such a big deal" and i should "try to cheer up a little" because "The navy's fags anyway." they just don't understand. i walk around every day feeling unspecial and irritating and homely... and i'm never surprised if a guy doesn't want to give me the time of day. so when someone does it always feels like such a big deal. i'm always over-excited to compensate for constant dissapoinment when i should be under-excited to prepare for ensuing dissapointment. i don't think the navy (or that dominatrix they call karma) will allow me to see him before i move in two weeks and all i can think to say is life's a bitch and then you die. my co-workers tell me "not to get down on [my]self" and that they like me just fine and that i shouldn't be so depressed, and all i can say to that is that i worked saturday sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday and friday, took 2 ap exams, found out i'm really actually failing algebra, my grade is going to slip in anatomy because i'm behind on diagrams of the male reproductive system that are- let's face it- a dissapointment, i now have a complex about my breast size because of said co-workers and a joke about my favorite apron, and i will be sitting at home on my fat ass (my fat ass that is getting fatter from meals consisting of stray pizza) on a day that i asked to have off a whole week ago for a date that is not going to take place simply because of the whims of a military branch. i had a much prettier picture painted for this weekend a week ago, and i guess this is punishment for that. expect nothing. assume the worst. never ask a legal adult to rate your breasts size-wise if you are a minor. live fast, die young, send text messages, you can all fuck off and die because i think you knew this was going to happen. |